Do you take this woman? I said, yes I do
I love her like crazy
& I think she loves me too
But we'll do without the family
If it's all the same to you
Happy ever after
Your mother is a flake,
My father's full of shite
Your sister says you married me in white
Just for spite
Well a party's not a party
Till it ends up in a fight
Happy ever after

And there was my lot and your lot
And us two in between
This is the last time I get married
(Please God)
This is the last time I get married

My brother's never short
Of a substance to abuse
Rum & glue & Thunderbird
& Wizz & Special Brew
Any minute now he'll show us
ALL of his tattoos
Happy ever after
Nephews are obnoxious, nieces are too tall
A dozen drunken uncles
Are pissing up the wall
Grandad is grinning
But there's no one home at all
Happy ever after

For richer, for poorer,
For better or for worse
Now we are married, a blessing or a curse
Kiss me & don't forget
What you see is what you get

And the best man is the worst man,
The best man is a beast
Underneath the table
With the sister of the priest
The way he's going at it
She is probably deceased
Happy ever after
Granny's on the brandy, getting bleary-eyed
Guys I went to school with
Want to see me outside
Someone's pulled the bridesmaid.
Anyone seen the bride?
Happy ever after