C#m          Ab
Dan Schneider  bring all my bitches back
C#m                   Ab
I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches The new shit you put out is wack
C#m          Ab
Dan Schneider I'm just trying to get an erection
C#m                                          Ab
But now that these kids looking 13 and under My penis will suffer

[verse]
C#m         
Dan fucking Schneider (Schneider)
Ab
This ain't a fucking game, bitch
C#m        
I wanna watch a sitcom
Ab
With my hand on my dick
C#m     
I wanna see a titty (titty)
Ab
Not fucking kid shit
C#m
Return all the hot chicks
Ab
Or you gon get it bitch

C#m
ICarly, iCarly
Ab
I don't care if you look like Michael Jackson
C#m
As long as you giving me action
Ab
And Freddy gon' film the reaction
C#m
Sam gonna join in
Ab
And suck me a fat one
C#m
Nickelodeon girls
Ab
Can't live without 'em (whew)

[verse]
C#m
Ariana Grande
Ab
I know I drive a Hyundai
C#m
I can put you in a coma
Ab
Have brunch on a Sunday (fancy)
C#m
My dick put you in a coffin
Ab
All night screaming and tossing
C#m
Victoria Justice
Ab
I know you tryna touch this

C#m
Lizzie McGuire is tight
Ab
But I bet Zoey's tighter
C#m
You can find me in her bed
Ab
Digging through that vaginer
C#m
Amanda Bynes, you a little bit crazy
Ab
But you can still have my babies (whew)
C#m
Go down like a dog with the rabies
Ab
Y'all can't save me

[bridge]
C#m
Uh, a little bit of weed, hard liquor for the ladies
Ab
Got me feeling like a young Dan Schneider from the 80's
C#m
With a Jewish law firm and an all black Mercedes
Ab
She playing with the balls like Brady (ay)
C#m
Fuck off with the shitty little kids with their stupid shit
Ab
I only wanna see the ones with a body fit
C#m
And I don't want to be the one to be a little bitch about it
Ab
But I'm just saying what everybody is thinking (hahahahaha)

[verse]
C#m
Where the titties at?
Ab
Dan Schneider why you ruining your business?
C#m
You realize I'd probably buy cable 
Ab
If you keep all the girls and the ratings all stable
C#m
Cuz I ain't tryin to see a young baby in the cradle
Ab
Cuz I'm not a pedophile

[bridge]
C#m                                        Ab
The girls I have sexualized are all in their 20's and 30's (Disclaimer!)
C#m                                
I'm not saying you should change all the bitches
Ab
But at least something after 10:30 (30!)


[chorus]
C#m          Ab
Dan Schneider  bring all my bitches back
C#m                   Ab
I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches, I need all my bitches back